Vicious Circles Read online

  Vicious Circles

  JL Paul

  Smashwords Edition

  Copyright © 2011 JL Paul

  Chapter 1

  I have never been in love in my life – nor have I ever fancied myself in love. That just wasn’t me. I wasn’t built to be a one man kind of girl. I was more of a – well, for lack of a better term – love ‘em and leave ‘em type.

  I hadn’t always been this way. There was a time in my life when I actually did care for a boy. He was sweet and I was smitten and we were both young. If things would have continued, I’m sure I probably would have fallen in love with him.

  But, that was ruined by a spiteful little witch and that’s an entirely different story for another time.

  So, I was pretty shocked when I realized that I was in love. And I was even more shocked that it hit me out of the blue while I was lounging at the pool with one of my best friends.

  “Oh,” I said, as I bolted upright in my chaise, my arms extended behind me to prop my body. “Hm.”

  “What?” Morgan asked as she eased her sunglasses down her nose and peered over the top.

  I bit my lip, my eyes blurring as they gazed abstractedly at the high school kids splashing in the pool. I couldn’t see anything, really, just his face and it made my stomach lurch a little. My heart fluttered quicker than normal and my pulse hammered in my veins. At first I couldn’t figure out was wrong with me – I’d only been thinking about the last conversation I’d had with him. Then I realized that I’d had similar symptoms all week whenever I was in his presence or thinking vaguely about him. Not only was it bad timing and totally inappropriate but it also sucked big time.

  “Bailey?” Morgan said, prying into my insight.

  “Yeah?” I said as I eased back into the chaise, adjusting the top of my simple, black string bikini.

  “Is something the matter?”

  “Nope,” I said with a little smirk. “Nothing.” Well, nothing I could discuss with her at that moment. I needed to sort this out by myself.

  “Are you sure?” Morgan persisted as she removed her glasses to gaze anxiously at me.

  Some people couldn’t figure out why Morgan and I were such good friends and to be honest, it was sometimes a mystery to me, too. She was a little more moral – take the high road kind of person – while I preferred to live and let live. Her parents were well off, like my father, and I suppose that was pretty much the only similarity.

  But Morgan was fun, too. And a good listener. She knew how to have a good time even if her good time wasn’t quite as ‘good’ as mine. I truly adored her.

  “Yeah, Morg, thanks,” I said. I snuggled into the chair and lifted my face to the sun. “So, do you work this afternoon?”

  “Yes,” she pouted. “It’s too nice out to work.”

  “I don’t see why your parents insist you take a job,” I said. It was a statement I’d been making ever since we'd decided to rent a condo near school instead of spending the summer in our respective home towns.

  “I told you,” she said with a touch of impatience. “My parents are more than happy to help me with my share of the rent but they think that I need to earn some of my own money. They think it will help me to appreciate things.”

  I snorted and rolled my concealed eyes. “All you need to do is look at Irelyn and it will make you appreciate what you have.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with Irelyn. Now,” she frowned. “Lucas keeps telling her that she doesn’t even need to work – he makes enough to support them.”

  “Yeah but she won’t let him help her with school,” I pointed out. “She’s getting financial aid and loans. She doesn’t need to pay the loans back until she finishes school. I think she likes it. Makes her feel all domestic.”

  “I think they’re cute,” she giggled and I rolled my eyes again.

  I did have to agree that Irelyn and Lucas were a great couple – and they’d been through hell to get together. Although I hadn't seen a problem with her seeing Lucas while she was still dating Dustin, I did see how it was tearing her apart. And Dustin really was a bore. But she ended up with Lucas who she loved more than anything. I was happy for her.

  “So, you’re working until when?” I asked, as I opened the datebook in my head. If Morgan was going to be stuck inside a bookstore all afternoon, I’d have to figure out some way to entertain myself.

  “I’m working until eight,” she said as she glanced at her watch. I chuckled. Only Morgan would wear a watch while sunbathing. “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go bug Irelyn”

  “Why don’t you call Spencer? Or is he working?” she asked.

  My heart plunged as I remembered Spencer. Sweet Spencer who was doting and kind and fun. Spencer who was enjoyable – especially when we spent the night together. Spencer who'd been my on-again-off-again fling since last winter. Spencer, who'd promised me that we’d not take things too seriously. Spencer, who was starting to get a little too clingy…

  “It’s Thursday – they’re rehearsing tonight,” I reminded her.

  “You need more friends,” she said then collapsed in a fit of giggles.

  I had to laugh, too. “Yeah, maybe. But no one understands me like you, Morg.”

  She actually snorted. “No one can tolerate you but me. And Irelyn.”

  “True,” I said as I groped the concrete next to my chair in search of my water bottle. I found it and took a long drink. “I’ll probably hang with Irelyn or with the guys. I’m not particularly picky.”

  “I’ll call you when I get off work,” she said as she sat up and collected her belongings. “Maybe I’ll come by and hang out with you guys.”

  “Sure thing, Morg,” I said as I waved. “Have fun at work.”

  She glowered at me before scurrying to the pool house to change.

  Once she left, I closed my eyes and pondered my earlier revelation. I wasn’t sure what to do with it at that moment – it wasn’t exactly a wonderful thing like one might think. Matter of fact, it was kind of crappy.

  Oh, I didn’t think I’d have a problem attracting him – not in the least. Confidence had never been much of an issue for me. But whether or not I could make him love me back – I wasn’t so sure.

  I laughed aloud and drew a little attention from the high school boys horsing around in the deep end. I fluttered a couple fingers at them and they smiled. Let them think I was flirting – what did I care? I had other things to worry about – especially how to deal with this problem.

  I sighed, not able to resolve the problem lounging by the pool. It was something that I’d just have to get over and that would take time.

  I grabbed my towel and my water bottle and sashayed out of the pool area, pulling a sheer bathing suit cover over my head. I rode the elevator back to the condo I shared with Morgan and showered once I let myself in. Morgan had left already though the scent of her body lotion lingered in the hall.

  I dried my hair, letting it hang in a dark curtain down my back, and chose my clothes carefully. I pulled on a pair of navy blue capris topped with a white tank and slipped my feet into a comfortable pair of flip flops. Not too sexy and not too conservative. Forgoing makeup, I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.

  ***

  “You’ve been at the pool all morning, huh?” Irelyn said as she handed me a soda.

  “Gee, how’d you guess?” I asked as I raised a brow.

  She pointed at the touch of red on my shoulders. I shrugged. I often burned slightly but it usually faded to a tan in a matter of days. That was the beauty of inheriting my father's dark complexion. “What else am I going to do while all my friends slave away?”

  “You could get a job,” Irelyn suggested, her eyes twinkling like Santa�
�s.

  I frowned thoughtfully. “Sure – for shits and giggles.”

  “You have a wonderful way with words,” she laughed.

  “Why beat around the bush,” I said, smiling. Irelyn was always great to hang around – even when she was stressed. She wasn’t whiney or preachy. She took my moods for whatever they were and never faulted me. And damn, was she fun.

  “The guys are rehearsing,” she sighed, leaning on the counter in the kitchen of the apartment she shared with Lucas. “And I’m bored. Want to go over there and drink their beer?”

  See what I mean about fun? “You are a brilliant woman.”

  ***

  We arrived at Collin Newton’s place and could hear the muted screams of the guitars as soon as she parked her car in the drive. My heart twittered again and I mentally chastised it – forcing it to calm down.

  I followed Irelyn into the garage and glanced at each of the boys in turn. Lucas was sitting on an upturned barrel, guitar strapped around his neck. Spencer was standing as usual – he was always full of energy. And Collin was perched on a stool behind a set of drums.

  I watched – a little jealously if I were to be honest – as Irelyn’s face lit up when her eyes fell on Lucas. She hurried over to stand behind him, waiting for him to finish the song so she could kiss him.

  I turned my attention to Spencer and earned a smile. I returned it though it was forced. He didn’t seem to notice so I snagged a couple bottles of beer out of their cooler and handed one to Irelyn. As I opened mine, I found a lawn chair that wasn’t too dirty and looked like it wouldn’t split with the application of any weight and shook it open. I sat, crossed my legs, and listened to the music.

  When they finished, Spencer and Lucas set their guitars aside while Collin jogged around the drum kit. Lucas wrapped Irelyn in his arms while the other two raided the cooler.

  “Hey, Bailey,” Spencer greeted as he kissed my cheek and draped an arm around my shoulders. We were currently in the on-again stage.

  I patted his stomach and mustered another smile. I could already tell my jaws would be aching by the time I got home. “Hey, Spence.”

  “Nice tan, Bailey,” Collin smirked as he nodded at my shoulder.

  That little flutter in my stomach woke. “Thanks,” I said, flustered. I concentrated on the bottle label, peeling it away from the glass. “You guys sound great. Are you playing at Rusty’s tomorrow?”

  “Yeah,” Spencer said as he opened a bottle and tipped it to his lips. “For the rest of the summer and probably the fall.”

  I filled my mouth with beer and bobbed my head before swallowing. Spencer’s nearness was a bit unnerving and I was rethinking my decision to accompany Irelyn. I should have stayed at the pool.

  “Where’s Morgan?” Collin asked and my bottle slipped out of my fingers. I caught it before it could crash to the floor but I managed to splash beer all over my shirt.

  “Damn,” I swore as I slammed the bottle on top of the cooler. I wiped futilely at the wet spot. “Wonderful.”

  “Come on, Bailey,” Collin chuckled as he squeezed my arm. “I’ll give you a dry shirt.”

  I followed him into the house and to his bedroom, still blotting my shirt, and ignored the rapid beat of my heart. I had to stop it before it got out of hand.

  He opened a drawer and dug out a clean t-shirt with some sort of beer slogan printed across the front. He handed it to me with a smile curling his lips and I nearly gasped. I’d always thought Lucas was the hot twin and even though they were fraternal, there were still several similarities. Their eyes were the same deep brown with flecks of green and they had the same, slow, sexy smile.

  But now, standing in his bedroom with my shirt covered in beer, I realized that Collin’s sexiness came not only from his looks but also from his charm.

  I raised a brow. “Trying to tell me something?”

  “Yeah,” he teased, his smile slipping into a smirk. “Spilling beer is alcohol abuse.”

  I snatched the t-shirt from his outstretched hand and snorted at him. “So suck it off my shirt if you’re so concerned about waste.”

  His eyes narrowed as his smirk widened. “Is that an offer, Bailey?”

  My heart jumped to my throat as I started to lift my shirt. I gave him a pointed look. “Depends, you taking me up on it?”

  He laughed and chucked me under the chin. “You are something else. I’ll leave you to change. If you want, just toss your shirt in the basket over there and I’ll wash it.”

  “Hey, a clean shirt and laundry service – I’ll bring my entire wardrobe over and spill the contents of your fridge on it.”

  “Just the undergarments and you have a deal,” he winked as he walked out of the room. Once the door shut behind him, I sank to the bed and pressed a hand to my chest. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I was afraid it would jump right through my skin.

  “What is wrong with you?” I whispered. “He’s just a guy. And he’s Spencer’s cousin. This ain’t cool.”

  I drew in a few breaths, hoping it would calm my heart, and quickly changed shirts. His was long and I tied it in the back to keep it from falling down to my thighs. As I dropped my tank top in his laundry basket, a little thrill shot up my spine. Something about my clothes mixing with his did weird things to my body.

  As I rejoined the others, Spencer snagged my hand and pulled me next to him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I tried to just lean into him, but the usual affection wasn’t there. I was far too aware of Collin to relax.

  I knew I couldn’t have Collin, but I couldn’t string Spencer on any longer - especially if he was getting as close to me as I thought he was. Although he'd been the one to suggest a break the last time we'd split, he'd also been the one to suggest we give it another try a month later. He was such a sweet, fun guy that I hadn't been able to say no. Plus, I really enjoyed spending time with him. But, the romance was no longer there. So, when they decided to break for the night, I asked Spencer to take me to Irelyn’s to fetch my car. He agreed, chattering happily all the way, talking about their gig the next night. I soaked it all up – biding time until I would tell him it was over.

  When he parked in front of Irelyn’s building and turned to me, I hoped he wasn’t expecting an invitation to follow me home. But he didn't - he just took my hand and stroked it softly. “What’s up tonight, Bailey?”

  I cringed – he was going to be nice and understanding and it would only make things worse. I sucked it up and laced my hand with his. “Listen, Spencer, I think we need to cool it. I mean, we agreed at the beginning that we weren’t going to take things serious, remember?”

  “Sure,” he said as a flash of pain flickered in his eyes. “I know. Are you seeing someone else?”

  “No,” I answered quickly, praying he could read the truth on my face. I’d always been straight with him. “Nah – I just want us to be friends. I’m not into the dating thing right now.”

  “That’s cool, darling. Don’t sweat it. As long as we still hang out. I’d hate to lose you as a friend,” he said with a sad smile. It nearly broke my heart – a feat that was not easily achieved.

  “Oh, sure. I’ll be at Rusty’s tomorrow night.”

  “I’ll see you then,” he said. He leaned over the console and pecked me on the cheek. “Good night, Bailey.”

  “Night, Spence,” I said as I hopped out of his car and ran to mine.

  ***

  Morgan was camped out on the sofa, a pile of books next to her. She smiled as I breezed inside. “Hey, how was your night?”

  “Eh,” I said as I raided the fridge and dug a beer out from the back. Returning to the living room, I sat on the floor. I picked up a book and glanced at the cover. “It was fun.”

  “Is that…Collin’s shirt you’re wearing?” Morgan asked, her eyes wide and her brows nearly in her hairline.

  “Oh,” I said as I set the book down and glanced at the shirt. “Yeah. Me and Irelyn went to Collin’s to watch the guys rehe
arse. I spilled beer all over my shirt so Collin gave me a dry one to wear.”

  “I see,” Morgan said. She dropped her gaze and rifled through the pile of books. “Where’s Spencer?”

  She kept her eyes on the books but I noted a hint of speculation in her voice.

  “What’s going on, Morg?” I asked. “Out with it.”

  She looked up, startled. “Nothing,” she said with false innocence. “I just wondered if he was coming over tonight.”

  She was lying, I could tell, but she wasn’t ready to spill and I wasn’t going to force her. “Nah. We decided to cool it for awhile.”

  “Why?” she gasped as she dropped her book. “What happened this time?”

  I shrugged as I picked at the label on the bottle. “It’s just not there anymore, I guess. I don’t know.”

  “Are you interested in someone else?”

  I snorted. “Nah. Not really. Just want to chill out and see what’s out there.”

  She rose and began piling the books in neat stacks. “Well, I don’t blame you. You’re a beautiful girl and if things aren’t there with Spencer, then you want to find someone else. It's not like you haven't tried with him several times already.”

  “Yeah,” I murmured. “Maybe.”

  She paused in the mouth of the hall, her arms heaping with books. “Bailey, if you don’t love Spencer and you’re not comfortable with him anymore, then you did the right thing. Don’t make the same mistake Irelyn made. Yes, it did work out for her in the end, but a lot of people got hurt.”

  “I know.” I jumped up and handed her the book I’d been perusing. “I’m going to bed. Good night.”

  "Good night," she said as I brushed past her on the way to my bedroom.

  I climbed between the sheets and rewound my day. Okay, so I was a little in love with Collin. He was very good looking and talented and charming. But it was wrong – way wrong. Nothing would ever come of it because he would never date me– it would probably be very awkward for Spencer. And I didn’t want to hurt Spencer, either. He was a good guy.